My current Facebook status reads: "Sometimes I feel like Daniel in the lion's den. You're trapped in something but God is taking care of you and keeping harm away. He will get me out of this lion's den when the time is right!". This sums up my life right now. My world right now is shaken not stirred.
I might have to start choosing more carefully who I sit next to when I go out to lunch after Sunday morning worship. The last three times I have "broken up" with someone I was never with in the first place! This is quite hilarious but going way too far! I am always the target! I am not with anyone at the moment. I've been dating someone but come to find out 5 dates in 15 days is not enough to be official.
Come to find out the guy I have been dating did not delete his profile. It just disappeared. He mentions that it looks like he will have to start over when I mention that I was thinking about deleting mine. His reponse was "oh". What that means in boy talk I have no idea. I further explain that "no one has messaged me since you and I really like you" to get a response of "cool". I'm thinking that boy language is one of those languages like German that is really hard to learn. Being in choirs through the years I have learned how to pronounce many languages but not really what they mean. Maybe I will add boy language to that list along with German, French and Latin.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Anxiety
Anxiety is not good. Anxiety causes problems. I've had anxiety this week.
As much as I try to relax, stress tries to sneak back to me. All I did today was camp out on the sofa bed and watch tv, surf the net or sleep (2 hr nap! whoo hoo!). I started to feel better until I got a phone call and the person kept asking me about Monday through Thursday 8 - 5 crap. When you are so stressed your chest hurts it is time to move on.
I was told on Wednesday that starting Monday I will be changing departments and supervisors. I understand why the switch but not too happy. I found out Friday night that other things are taking place that I don't necessarily understand.
On a happier note:
I'm sure it is a good thing that a certain someone took their online dating profile down. Does this mean I am his? I would love to be his! It would be my honor! He is absolutely amazing! I am constantly smiling when I am with him (that hasn't happened with anyone else). Having him in my life has brightened everything else that is going on. I've been working hard to not get attached. I don't need another heart break. Taking things slow is the motto here and I don't mind it at all.
As much as I try to relax, stress tries to sneak back to me. All I did today was camp out on the sofa bed and watch tv, surf the net or sleep (2 hr nap! whoo hoo!). I started to feel better until I got a phone call and the person kept asking me about Monday through Thursday 8 - 5 crap. When you are so stressed your chest hurts it is time to move on.
I was told on Wednesday that starting Monday I will be changing departments and supervisors. I understand why the switch but not too happy. I found out Friday night that other things are taking place that I don't necessarily understand.
On a happier note:
I'm sure it is a good thing that a certain someone took their online dating profile down. Does this mean I am his? I would love to be his! It would be my honor! He is absolutely amazing! I am constantly smiling when I am with him (that hasn't happened with anyone else). Having him in my life has brightened everything else that is going on. I've been working hard to not get attached. I don't need another heart break. Taking things slow is the motto here and I don't mind it at all.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
change is good
There is a storm brewing so I am going to try to make this quick.
Tonight I hung out with most of the PB Sisters and it was the best time ever!
The last 2 weeks has been absolutely wonderful! God knows what I need and when I need it.
It has been ridiculously hot the past two days. Heat index of 104 degrees is not my thing.
Clipping coupons + Harris Teeter Super Double Coupons + pay day = happy shopper.
Found out some changes today will elaborate later.
Okay. I must go before the power does!
Tonight I hung out with most of the PB Sisters and it was the best time ever!
The last 2 weeks has been absolutely wonderful! God knows what I need and when I need it.
It has been ridiculously hot the past two days. Heat index of 104 degrees is not my thing.
Clipping coupons + Harris Teeter Super Double Coupons + pay day = happy shopper.
Found out some changes today will elaborate later.
Okay. I must go before the power does!
Friday, August 6, 2010
9 Pounds
Since my "lifestyle change" I have lost 9 pounds! I'm so proud of myself! Thank you to God for helping to keep me focused and to my friends who walk with me and give me pointers. Also, thank you to Skinny Cow Ice Cream for amazing ice cream that is not bad for me. I can still have that cold yumminess during this very hot summer! Strawberry Shortcake Ice Cream Sandwiches are the best! Low in calories, high in fiber and many other things your body needs.
Last night I hung out for the second time with a very nice guy. There is something different about him and he smells good too (always a plus). We might be catching a Grasshoppers game this weekend. How awesome it is for someone to want to spend their precious time with me!
I'm starting to feel better about the situations I wrote about previously. I know God has the ultimate plan and everything will eventually make sense. I have to remember Proverbs 15:16 - "Better a little with the fear of the Lord than great wealth with turmoil" or as The Message says "A simple life in the Fear-of-God is better than a rich life with a ton of headaches".
Last night I hung out for the second time with a very nice guy. There is something different about him and he smells good too (always a plus). We might be catching a Grasshoppers game this weekend. How awesome it is for someone to want to spend their precious time with me!
I'm starting to feel better about the situations I wrote about previously. I know God has the ultimate plan and everything will eventually make sense. I have to remember Proverbs 15:16 - "Better a little with the fear of the Lord than great wealth with turmoil" or as The Message says "A simple life in the Fear-of-God is better than a rich life with a ton of headaches".
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Silence and Why
Folks have been worried about me. I don't blame them. I'm worried about me. I think I've gotten down to why I've been so quiet or should I say "depressed". I have my quiet moments but they only really last a week. This time it keeps going. I explained to my two closest friends that I don't know why I'm in this particular mood and that I would talk about it but I didn't know where to start or what it is.
"I don't believe you" was said when I said I am okay. I thought I was okay. There is denial in everything folks. I had it and now I'm over that hurdle. Even a guy friend, I will call him "Brother J", asked if I was okay and I had a melt down. I told him "I am in this weird mood, I am stuck and I don't know how to crawl out of it". It was 3 AM but I needed that cry. Kinda wished it wasn't so late so that I could call for a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes I just need someone to hold me and tell me everything will be okay, even if I have no idea what is bothering me.
I feel extremely grateful for friends that pray for me. I am feeling God working in me, comforting me and helping me understand why I feel this way. He is in control. Brother J preached his first sermon on Sunday and did a fantastic job. He has no idea how much it touched me to hear the things he said. He told the story of God's Embroidery. (Look it up sometime. You will be blessed.) I will never look at embroidery the same again. I am only seeing the backside of God's beautiful work and I just have to understand it will all turn out according to God's plan.
I have a hard time explaining why it is so hard to say how I feel without crying my eyes out. Living with a bi-polar family member where you don't know what is going to be said and, even worse, done if you do or say something makes it difficult to live the rest of your life "not on the edge". There were several times I was slapped or yelled at for simply saying how I feel. I said my feelings in an appropriate manner but that did not make a difference.
Now down to the hard(er) stuff. I don't necessarily work for the money but it has gotten harder to pay bills and eat too. I have a choice, get a second job or get a new job that pays more. I know a second job will be a second pain and not necessarily something I want to do. There is some "rearranging" supposedly in the works at my current job. I've been told to hold on but that was over a month ago. You get tired of holding on and buying time in a position that is no longer contributing to your retirement plan because it has been frozen. I might be able to buy a 60 page composition notebook for 15 cents during back-to-school season at the walmart when I retire. :(
I'm trying to eat healthier and exercise but when you don't have much money to buy the healthier stuff then you have to eat the cheap, not so healthy stuff. I'm doing as much as I can in the exercise department. Trying to get up the gumption to just go out there and walk by myself but things are so much more fun in multiples. I would love to sign up for classes but that involves money too. :(
I am extremely thankful for friends that give me a hand when I need it. I hardly ask but I am told to not worry about it. I know you are in circumstances where you can help and in the future you won't be able to. I remind myself every day of that, don't you worry. I HATE BEING DEPENDENT ON OTHER PEOPLE!!! The only person I want to be dependent on is my heavenly Father. He takes care of the birds, he will also take care of me.
This is just the main idea of what is bothering me.
"I don't believe you" was said when I said I am okay. I thought I was okay. There is denial in everything folks. I had it and now I'm over that hurdle. Even a guy friend, I will call him "Brother J", asked if I was okay and I had a melt down. I told him "I am in this weird mood, I am stuck and I don't know how to crawl out of it". It was 3 AM but I needed that cry. Kinda wished it wasn't so late so that I could call for a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes I just need someone to hold me and tell me everything will be okay, even if I have no idea what is bothering me.
I feel extremely grateful for friends that pray for me. I am feeling God working in me, comforting me and helping me understand why I feel this way. He is in control. Brother J preached his first sermon on Sunday and did a fantastic job. He has no idea how much it touched me to hear the things he said. He told the story of God's Embroidery. (Look it up sometime. You will be blessed.) I will never look at embroidery the same again. I am only seeing the backside of God's beautiful work and I just have to understand it will all turn out according to God's plan.
I have a hard time explaining why it is so hard to say how I feel without crying my eyes out. Living with a bi-polar family member where you don't know what is going to be said and, even worse, done if you do or say something makes it difficult to live the rest of your life "not on the edge". There were several times I was slapped or yelled at for simply saying how I feel. I said my feelings in an appropriate manner but that did not make a difference.
Now down to the hard(er) stuff. I don't necessarily work for the money but it has gotten harder to pay bills and eat too. I have a choice, get a second job or get a new job that pays more. I know a second job will be a second pain and not necessarily something I want to do. There is some "rearranging" supposedly in the works at my current job. I've been told to hold on but that was over a month ago. You get tired of holding on and buying time in a position that is no longer contributing to your retirement plan because it has been frozen. I might be able to buy a 60 page composition notebook for 15 cents during back-to-school season at the walmart when I retire. :(
I'm trying to eat healthier and exercise but when you don't have much money to buy the healthier stuff then you have to eat the cheap, not so healthy stuff. I'm doing as much as I can in the exercise department. Trying to get up the gumption to just go out there and walk by myself but things are so much more fun in multiples. I would love to sign up for classes but that involves money too. :(
I am extremely thankful for friends that give me a hand when I need it. I hardly ask but I am told to not worry about it. I know you are in circumstances where you can help and in the future you won't be able to. I remind myself every day of that, don't you worry. I HATE BEING DEPENDENT ON OTHER PEOPLE!!! The only person I want to be dependent on is my heavenly Father. He takes care of the birds, he will also take care of me.
This is just the main idea of what is bothering me.
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