Today I experienced humility in a new way. I encountered a high school class-mate at her job as a barista at a chain other than Starbucks. While I was waiting for my hot beverage creation she starts telling her co-worker about my amazing voice and big heart. I heard "she has the most beautiful voice in the state" and other things that I knew were not necessarily true but felt good to hear. Should I note that I was reading the certificates on the wall about that co-worker who has courageously served in the national guard overseas before she went on this escapade about me? I can't help but be so humble about my talents, especially after reading about someone else's bravery. As he stares at me he asked if I would sing and all I could do was shake my head no with my eyes wide open. I got asked why and continued to shake my head no and whisper to myself "I don't know". I never have a song prepared to sing as much as I love to sing. I always have a song in my heart, but not necessarily in my head. Maybe I should work on that.
The point of all this is that I had no idea how to react to someone I haven't encountered in years ranting about how amazing I am. I realized that I'm living a legacy that is beyond what I can understand. God is using those talents whether I understand them or not. All I really know is that I'm remembered in a good way to people who may need that sparkle of hope in their life.
My message to you is don't wait until it's too late to live an honorable legacy. If you wait too long you really aren't living it, just leaving it. You can give to the world now or leave what you should have been giving all along in your will.
Finding joy in the journey,
Manda
Friday, October 3, 2014
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Singlehood: I Want to Say 'I do' but not by Internet Dating
Why this subject? It all stems from a conversation with a family member while housing them for a night because their power was out from a ice storm in March. Another reason is I have been internet dating since April with some interesting circumstances that press me to write about why I'm giving it up.
I am so interested in saying 'I do' to the one that God created for me. Despite what others may have been thinking this is what I want more than anything. I took a break after my last relationship of almost three years to rejuvenate who I am and who God wants me to be. I found that I am this caring, loving, compassionate child of God that wants to help others find the same part of their heart and share it with my future husband and eventually children.
You are probably wondering what circumstances in the internet dating world have sprung me to just live life and find my future mate in every day living. Many of them were men with children. While I do not mind becoming a step-mom I also looked at their parenting techniques and felt they were either too extreme or not quite enough. I found they were too eagerly trying to find that replacement mother figure in their family. Most mothers were not active, it broke my heart, and I knew that was the wrong reason to enter the relationship. I also found that I learned less about them and more about their children. While their children are a very important part of their life and identity there is so much to learn about them as an individual. I found it very hard for them to not hide behind their children since the notation was already revealed on the internet dating site.
There were also those that have already been married at one point and I could tell they needed a little more time to turn that corner. One guy was very eager and spilled too much on the first meeting. Take note: don't talk about marriage and arranging to meet your child on the first date. It was a red flag in my book that shouted, "Hey! I barely know you but let's become one because we're both single and I need someone to mother my child(ren)."
Some guys just fell off the face of the earth. I never heard from them again with no explanation as of to why. I realize that I do not need these cowards in my life but I care and hope they are okay despite their lack of respect to say they are not interested. One would repeatedly come back and say he was interested then never talk to me for months at a time. Jerk! Sorry, that wasn't very kind of me but that is how I feel and he is definitely not being kind to me. What goes around comes around! Oh, there's the one that stood me up and still randomly texts me. I think he might have something mentally wrong.
I was walking with a newly married and soon-to-be mom friend yesterday. I revealed to her my intent to give up internet dating and she sighed in relief. Her husband had told her that he hopes I quit and feels that I will meet someone while living life as I already do. I am so blessed to have friends with husbands that care about me like I'm part of the family. I do warn men often of my incredible support system that includes a cop, a veteran and three sisters that will not hesitate to show them the door or worse. A big thank you and I love you to my support system.
I have come to the conclusion that I am only going to find that guy that has the same interests as I do while doing those interests. God, theatre, and music will bring the person meant for me into my life. One day this country girl geek will find the man of her dreams that treats her the way God intended.
Thanks for reading,
Manda
I am so interested in saying 'I do' to the one that God created for me. Despite what others may have been thinking this is what I want more than anything. I took a break after my last relationship of almost three years to rejuvenate who I am and who God wants me to be. I found that I am this caring, loving, compassionate child of God that wants to help others find the same part of their heart and share it with my future husband and eventually children.
You are probably wondering what circumstances in the internet dating world have sprung me to just live life and find my future mate in every day living. Many of them were men with children. While I do not mind becoming a step-mom I also looked at their parenting techniques and felt they were either too extreme or not quite enough. I found they were too eagerly trying to find that replacement mother figure in their family. Most mothers were not active, it broke my heart, and I knew that was the wrong reason to enter the relationship. I also found that I learned less about them and more about their children. While their children are a very important part of their life and identity there is so much to learn about them as an individual. I found it very hard for them to not hide behind their children since the notation was already revealed on the internet dating site.
There were also those that have already been married at one point and I could tell they needed a little more time to turn that corner. One guy was very eager and spilled too much on the first meeting. Take note: don't talk about marriage and arranging to meet your child on the first date. It was a red flag in my book that shouted, "Hey! I barely know you but let's become one because we're both single and I need someone to mother my child(ren)."
Some guys just fell off the face of the earth. I never heard from them again with no explanation as of to why. I realize that I do not need these cowards in my life but I care and hope they are okay despite their lack of respect to say they are not interested. One would repeatedly come back and say he was interested then never talk to me for months at a time. Jerk! Sorry, that wasn't very kind of me but that is how I feel and he is definitely not being kind to me. What goes around comes around! Oh, there's the one that stood me up and still randomly texts me. I think he might have something mentally wrong.
I was walking with a newly married and soon-to-be mom friend yesterday. I revealed to her my intent to give up internet dating and she sighed in relief. Her husband had told her that he hopes I quit and feels that I will meet someone while living life as I already do. I am so blessed to have friends with husbands that care about me like I'm part of the family. I do warn men often of my incredible support system that includes a cop, a veteran and three sisters that will not hesitate to show them the door or worse. A big thank you and I love you to my support system.
I have come to the conclusion that I am only going to find that guy that has the same interests as I do while doing those interests. God, theatre, and music will bring the person meant for me into my life. One day this country girl geek will find the man of her dreams that treats her the way God intended.
Thanks for reading,
Manda
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Revelations From a Broken Heart
I will give warning that just typing the title of this post brought tears to my eyes. It may be a little sad, but it is quite therapeutic to write about. Lots has happened since my last post. The rest of July composed traveling to Phoenix for Origami Owl's first convention, October put me into another decade of living, November was fun with meeting Florida-Georgia Line and having a blast at their concert, December brought Christmas and the last time, in my mind, I saw my Grandma, January brought new hopes of learning new skills by transferring positions and a broken heart of saying goodbye to my precious Grandma. I know I will see her again on the other side. In fact, I see her in everything and yet still miss her so much.
Grandma was more than my mom's mom. Grandma was one of my biggest fans. She knew when I was faking a smile and called me on it. She had the right words to say to help me realize I needed to make some changes. They were not always easy, but her words of affirmation that better things are coming made it so much easier. We had so much in common. Grandma loved being creative, recycling old into new, watching PBS and Downton Abbey, cherishing every moment and gifts from others, animals, family history, and most importantly her Lord and Saviour. The day we buried her I lost everything I managed to keep together in the cemetery. While in that period of losing my mind I managed to start praising Jesus for giving her to me, taking care of her and continuing to take care of her in heaven. She doesn't have to suffer any more and I want to be with her so bad. I will continue her legacy here on earth until I am called to be reunited with her.
If you need to know how much a loved one cherished their family, go through their things after they are gone. I helped go through some of her things last weekend. One thing to note is Grandma realized her house was insanely dusty. If there was anything that she cherished it was put in plastic of some sort to protect it. The plastic could be a bread bag, plastic from a magazine, or anything that it would fit in. My moment in how proud Grandma was of me was finding her invitation to my college graduation like this (with addresses blurred out for security):
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In the thickest plastic possible and cardboard to keep it from getting bent there it is and another heart broken cry came over me. She couldn't make it because of her health, but finding this took place of her presence. I know that if she were to be around for my wedding then that invitation would join it. If I get married, I will have to remember to address one to her and put it in this. She will be there in spirit along with my Maw-maw. They are both my angels and no one can convince me that I don't have the best angel crew.
While in this period of mourning I have managed to get upset and cry at the happiest commercials. One of them is the Walgreen's commercial where the man is bringing a little girl a big bear in the hospital. I have such a hard time with it because the last time I was in a hospital I was reading and singing to my Grandma until she passed. Massive teddy bears take on a whole new meaning when you don't have anyone to take them to.
I am working on my "new normal" as many people have lovingly phrased. Her magazines have a new home in the program department of the Girl Scouts so that girls can make vision boards. I have some of her craft materials that will be donated so that her love for crafts continues. I found and kept her instructions (and some materials) for what she called a "God's Promises Dragonfly". The wings had crystal glitter that made rainbows in the room when the sun hit them. I had an idea when I woke up this morning to make small ones and use them as Christmas tree ornaments. I might get on a roll and make some for family and friends.
Thank you for reading what could possibly be the hardest post I have ever written.
Until We Meet Again,
Manda
Grandma was more than my mom's mom. Grandma was one of my biggest fans. She knew when I was faking a smile and called me on it. She had the right words to say to help me realize I needed to make some changes. They were not always easy, but her words of affirmation that better things are coming made it so much easier. We had so much in common. Grandma loved being creative, recycling old into new, watching PBS and Downton Abbey, cherishing every moment and gifts from others, animals, family history, and most importantly her Lord and Saviour. The day we buried her I lost everything I managed to keep together in the cemetery. While in that period of losing my mind I managed to start praising Jesus for giving her to me, taking care of her and continuing to take care of her in heaven. She doesn't have to suffer any more and I want to be with her so bad. I will continue her legacy here on earth until I am called to be reunited with her.
If you need to know how much a loved one cherished their family, go through their things after they are gone. I helped go through some of her things last weekend. One thing to note is Grandma realized her house was insanely dusty. If there was anything that she cherished it was put in plastic of some sort to protect it. The plastic could be a bread bag, plastic from a magazine, or anything that it would fit in. My moment in how proud Grandma was of me was finding her invitation to my college graduation like this (with addresses blurred out for security):
While in this period of mourning I have managed to get upset and cry at the happiest commercials. One of them is the Walgreen's commercial where the man is bringing a little girl a big bear in the hospital. I have such a hard time with it because the last time I was in a hospital I was reading and singing to my Grandma until she passed. Massive teddy bears take on a whole new meaning when you don't have anyone to take them to.
I am working on my "new normal" as many people have lovingly phrased. Her magazines have a new home in the program department of the Girl Scouts so that girls can make vision boards. I have some of her craft materials that will be donated so that her love for crafts continues. I found and kept her instructions (and some materials) for what she called a "God's Promises Dragonfly". The wings had crystal glitter that made rainbows in the room when the sun hit them. I had an idea when I woke up this morning to make small ones and use them as Christmas tree ornaments. I might get on a roll and make some for family and friends.
Thank you for reading what could possibly be the hardest post I have ever written.
Until We Meet Again,
Manda
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