Today I experienced humility in a new way. I encountered a high school class-mate at her job as a barista at a chain other than Starbucks. While I was waiting for my hot beverage creation she starts telling her co-worker about my amazing voice and big heart. I heard "she has the most beautiful voice in the state" and other things that I knew were not necessarily true but felt good to hear. Should I note that I was reading the certificates on the wall about that co-worker who has courageously served in the national guard overseas before she went on this escapade about me? I can't help but be so humble about my talents, especially after reading about someone else's bravery. As he stares at me he asked if I would sing and all I could do was shake my head no with my eyes wide open. I got asked why and continued to shake my head no and whisper to myself "I don't know". I never have a song prepared to sing as much as I love to sing. I always have a song in my heart, but not necessarily in my head. Maybe I should work on that.
The point of all this is that I had no idea how to react to someone I haven't encountered in years ranting about how amazing I am. I realized that I'm living a legacy that is beyond what I can understand. God is using those talents whether I understand them or not. All I really know is that I'm remembered in a good way to people who may need that sparkle of hope in their life.
My message to you is don't wait until it's too late to live an honorable legacy. If you wait too long you really aren't living it, just leaving it. You can give to the world now or leave what you should have been giving all along in your will.
Finding joy in the journey,
Manda
Friday, October 3, 2014
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Singlehood: I Want to Say 'I do' but not by Internet Dating
Why this subject? It all stems from a conversation with a family member while housing them for a night because their power was out from a ice storm in March. Another reason is I have been internet dating since April with some interesting circumstances that press me to write about why I'm giving it up.
I am so interested in saying 'I do' to the one that God created for me. Despite what others may have been thinking this is what I want more than anything. I took a break after my last relationship of almost three years to rejuvenate who I am and who God wants me to be. I found that I am this caring, loving, compassionate child of God that wants to help others find the same part of their heart and share it with my future husband and eventually children.
You are probably wondering what circumstances in the internet dating world have sprung me to just live life and find my future mate in every day living. Many of them were men with children. While I do not mind becoming a step-mom I also looked at their parenting techniques and felt they were either too extreme or not quite enough. I found they were too eagerly trying to find that replacement mother figure in their family. Most mothers were not active, it broke my heart, and I knew that was the wrong reason to enter the relationship. I also found that I learned less about them and more about their children. While their children are a very important part of their life and identity there is so much to learn about them as an individual. I found it very hard for them to not hide behind their children since the notation was already revealed on the internet dating site.
There were also those that have already been married at one point and I could tell they needed a little more time to turn that corner. One guy was very eager and spilled too much on the first meeting. Take note: don't talk about marriage and arranging to meet your child on the first date. It was a red flag in my book that shouted, "Hey! I barely know you but let's become one because we're both single and I need someone to mother my child(ren)."
Some guys just fell off the face of the earth. I never heard from them again with no explanation as of to why. I realize that I do not need these cowards in my life but I care and hope they are okay despite their lack of respect to say they are not interested. One would repeatedly come back and say he was interested then never talk to me for months at a time. Jerk! Sorry, that wasn't very kind of me but that is how I feel and he is definitely not being kind to me. What goes around comes around! Oh, there's the one that stood me up and still randomly texts me. I think he might have something mentally wrong.
I was walking with a newly married and soon-to-be mom friend yesterday. I revealed to her my intent to give up internet dating and she sighed in relief. Her husband had told her that he hopes I quit and feels that I will meet someone while living life as I already do. I am so blessed to have friends with husbands that care about me like I'm part of the family. I do warn men often of my incredible support system that includes a cop, a veteran and three sisters that will not hesitate to show them the door or worse. A big thank you and I love you to my support system.
I have come to the conclusion that I am only going to find that guy that has the same interests as I do while doing those interests. God, theatre, and music will bring the person meant for me into my life. One day this country girl geek will find the man of her dreams that treats her the way God intended.
Thanks for reading,
Manda
I am so interested in saying 'I do' to the one that God created for me. Despite what others may have been thinking this is what I want more than anything. I took a break after my last relationship of almost three years to rejuvenate who I am and who God wants me to be. I found that I am this caring, loving, compassionate child of God that wants to help others find the same part of their heart and share it with my future husband and eventually children.
You are probably wondering what circumstances in the internet dating world have sprung me to just live life and find my future mate in every day living. Many of them were men with children. While I do not mind becoming a step-mom I also looked at their parenting techniques and felt they were either too extreme or not quite enough. I found they were too eagerly trying to find that replacement mother figure in their family. Most mothers were not active, it broke my heart, and I knew that was the wrong reason to enter the relationship. I also found that I learned less about them and more about their children. While their children are a very important part of their life and identity there is so much to learn about them as an individual. I found it very hard for them to not hide behind their children since the notation was already revealed on the internet dating site.
There were also those that have already been married at one point and I could tell they needed a little more time to turn that corner. One guy was very eager and spilled too much on the first meeting. Take note: don't talk about marriage and arranging to meet your child on the first date. It was a red flag in my book that shouted, "Hey! I barely know you but let's become one because we're both single and I need someone to mother my child(ren)."
Some guys just fell off the face of the earth. I never heard from them again with no explanation as of to why. I realize that I do not need these cowards in my life but I care and hope they are okay despite their lack of respect to say they are not interested. One would repeatedly come back and say he was interested then never talk to me for months at a time. Jerk! Sorry, that wasn't very kind of me but that is how I feel and he is definitely not being kind to me. What goes around comes around! Oh, there's the one that stood me up and still randomly texts me. I think he might have something mentally wrong.
I was walking with a newly married and soon-to-be mom friend yesterday. I revealed to her my intent to give up internet dating and she sighed in relief. Her husband had told her that he hopes I quit and feels that I will meet someone while living life as I already do. I am so blessed to have friends with husbands that care about me like I'm part of the family. I do warn men often of my incredible support system that includes a cop, a veteran and three sisters that will not hesitate to show them the door or worse. A big thank you and I love you to my support system.
I have come to the conclusion that I am only going to find that guy that has the same interests as I do while doing those interests. God, theatre, and music will bring the person meant for me into my life. One day this country girl geek will find the man of her dreams that treats her the way God intended.
Thanks for reading,
Manda
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Revelations From a Broken Heart
I will give warning that just typing the title of this post brought tears to my eyes. It may be a little sad, but it is quite therapeutic to write about. Lots has happened since my last post. The rest of July composed traveling to Phoenix for Origami Owl's first convention, October put me into another decade of living, November was fun with meeting Florida-Georgia Line and having a blast at their concert, December brought Christmas and the last time, in my mind, I saw my Grandma, January brought new hopes of learning new skills by transferring positions and a broken heart of saying goodbye to my precious Grandma. I know I will see her again on the other side. In fact, I see her in everything and yet still miss her so much.
Grandma was more than my mom's mom. Grandma was one of my biggest fans. She knew when I was faking a smile and called me on it. She had the right words to say to help me realize I needed to make some changes. They were not always easy, but her words of affirmation that better things are coming made it so much easier. We had so much in common. Grandma loved being creative, recycling old into new, watching PBS and Downton Abbey, cherishing every moment and gifts from others, animals, family history, and most importantly her Lord and Saviour. The day we buried her I lost everything I managed to keep together in the cemetery. While in that period of losing my mind I managed to start praising Jesus for giving her to me, taking care of her and continuing to take care of her in heaven. She doesn't have to suffer any more and I want to be with her so bad. I will continue her legacy here on earth until I am called to be reunited with her.
If you need to know how much a loved one cherished their family, go through their things after they are gone. I helped go through some of her things last weekend. One thing to note is Grandma realized her house was insanely dusty. If there was anything that she cherished it was put in plastic of some sort to protect it. The plastic could be a bread bag, plastic from a magazine, or anything that it would fit in. My moment in how proud Grandma was of me was finding her invitation to my college graduation like this (with addresses blurred out for security):
.jpg)
In the thickest plastic possible and cardboard to keep it from getting bent there it is and another heart broken cry came over me. She couldn't make it because of her health, but finding this took place of her presence. I know that if she were to be around for my wedding then that invitation would join it. If I get married, I will have to remember to address one to her and put it in this. She will be there in spirit along with my Maw-maw. They are both my angels and no one can convince me that I don't have the best angel crew.
While in this period of mourning I have managed to get upset and cry at the happiest commercials. One of them is the Walgreen's commercial where the man is bringing a little girl a big bear in the hospital. I have such a hard time with it because the last time I was in a hospital I was reading and singing to my Grandma until she passed. Massive teddy bears take on a whole new meaning when you don't have anyone to take them to.
I am working on my "new normal" as many people have lovingly phrased. Her magazines have a new home in the program department of the Girl Scouts so that girls can make vision boards. I have some of her craft materials that will be donated so that her love for crafts continues. I found and kept her instructions (and some materials) for what she called a "God's Promises Dragonfly". The wings had crystal glitter that made rainbows in the room when the sun hit them. I had an idea when I woke up this morning to make small ones and use them as Christmas tree ornaments. I might get on a roll and make some for family and friends.
Thank you for reading what could possibly be the hardest post I have ever written.
Until We Meet Again,
Manda
Grandma was more than my mom's mom. Grandma was one of my biggest fans. She knew when I was faking a smile and called me on it. She had the right words to say to help me realize I needed to make some changes. They were not always easy, but her words of affirmation that better things are coming made it so much easier. We had so much in common. Grandma loved being creative, recycling old into new, watching PBS and Downton Abbey, cherishing every moment and gifts from others, animals, family history, and most importantly her Lord and Saviour. The day we buried her I lost everything I managed to keep together in the cemetery. While in that period of losing my mind I managed to start praising Jesus for giving her to me, taking care of her and continuing to take care of her in heaven. She doesn't have to suffer any more and I want to be with her so bad. I will continue her legacy here on earth until I am called to be reunited with her.
If you need to know how much a loved one cherished their family, go through their things after they are gone. I helped go through some of her things last weekend. One thing to note is Grandma realized her house was insanely dusty. If there was anything that she cherished it was put in plastic of some sort to protect it. The plastic could be a bread bag, plastic from a magazine, or anything that it would fit in. My moment in how proud Grandma was of me was finding her invitation to my college graduation like this (with addresses blurred out for security):
While in this period of mourning I have managed to get upset and cry at the happiest commercials. One of them is the Walgreen's commercial where the man is bringing a little girl a big bear in the hospital. I have such a hard time with it because the last time I was in a hospital I was reading and singing to my Grandma until she passed. Massive teddy bears take on a whole new meaning when you don't have anyone to take them to.
I am working on my "new normal" as many people have lovingly phrased. Her magazines have a new home in the program department of the Girl Scouts so that girls can make vision boards. I have some of her craft materials that will be donated so that her love for crafts continues. I found and kept her instructions (and some materials) for what she called a "God's Promises Dragonfly". The wings had crystal glitter that made rainbows in the room when the sun hit them. I had an idea when I woke up this morning to make small ones and use them as Christmas tree ornaments. I might get on a roll and make some for family and friends.
Thank you for reading what could possibly be the hardest post I have ever written.
Until We Meet Again,
Manda
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Switching the Claddagh Ring
You know that feeling when you face reality that the person you have fallen madly in love with does not have the same life goals as you. Then again you may have just called it quits because you realized the two of you weren't made for each other. Either way its a break up and it hurts. Almost three months ago I knew I had to switch the Claddagh ring to indicate that I'm no longer in a relationship and face the challenge of telling my boyfriend of two years and nine months that we should just be friends.
It had to happen. I couldn't stand one more instance where he told me that after fervent prayer he felt he was not meant to marry. All my life I have wanted to be a loving wife and mother and he felt like he couldn't fulfill that request. I have to respect his decision whether I understand it or not. My heart was breaking and I had to face this fact before we started to do something we would both regret, ruin our relationship entirely. We had a great relationship and he agreed that we should just be friends. He even noted that I have a great personality and someone will marry me and even started throwing out suggestions of some of my guy friends. I was not in the state of mind to accept partner suggestions from my ex-boyfriend of only two hours.
I got brave and emailed him last week to see how he and his family was doing along with how work is going. I got some volunteered information about his dating life, a question about my dating life and a few unanswered questions (those I asked and he did not answer). I understand that he has moved on but I did not need to know his ability to jump right into talking to someone so soon. I am going to look at it as he has totally switched his view of me from girlfriend to just friend and move on. Needless to say, it will be another two months or possibly a year before I contact him again. I'm going to play dumb and come to the conclusion that he is clueless how much it hurts. A guy friend noted to me that the ex-boyfriend does not deserve my attention and I am realizing that more as time goes by.
I have actually taken the Claddagh ring off. Each morning brewed the challenge of putting it on to indicate my singleness instead of being in a relationship so I'm putting it away for a little while. Another sign was the fact that my hand was swelling due to heavy amounts of sewing to make costumes and the ring is a size smaller than my others. The just as classy spoon ring will do for now. In all reality I am perfectly okay living the single life, but I still miss him and get lonely from time to time. My perfect companion will come along and sweep me off my feet in a matter of time. I just have to be patient in God's timing and purpose.
Happy Trails to You,
Manda
It had to happen. I couldn't stand one more instance where he told me that after fervent prayer he felt he was not meant to marry. All my life I have wanted to be a loving wife and mother and he felt like he couldn't fulfill that request. I have to respect his decision whether I understand it or not. My heart was breaking and I had to face this fact before we started to do something we would both regret, ruin our relationship entirely. We had a great relationship and he agreed that we should just be friends. He even noted that I have a great personality and someone will marry me and even started throwing out suggestions of some of my guy friends. I was not in the state of mind to accept partner suggestions from my ex-boyfriend of only two hours.
I got brave and emailed him last week to see how he and his family was doing along with how work is going. I got some volunteered information about his dating life, a question about my dating life and a few unanswered questions (those I asked and he did not answer). I understand that he has moved on but I did not need to know his ability to jump right into talking to someone so soon. I am going to look at it as he has totally switched his view of me from girlfriend to just friend and move on. Needless to say, it will be another two months or possibly a year before I contact him again. I'm going to play dumb and come to the conclusion that he is clueless how much it hurts. A guy friend noted to me that the ex-boyfriend does not deserve my attention and I am realizing that more as time goes by.
I have actually taken the Claddagh ring off. Each morning brewed the challenge of putting it on to indicate my singleness instead of being in a relationship so I'm putting it away for a little while. Another sign was the fact that my hand was swelling due to heavy amounts of sewing to make costumes and the ring is a size smaller than my others. The just as classy spoon ring will do for now. In all reality I am perfectly okay living the single life, but I still miss him and get lonely from time to time. My perfect companion will come along and sweep me off my feet in a matter of time. I just have to be patient in God's timing and purpose.
Happy Trails to You,
Manda
Sunday, February 17, 2013
2013 Goals: Blog (Share My Story) More Often
I have made it a goal to blog more. When I woke up this morning and saw this on pinterest it gave the goal more spark.
My first thought was if you don't tell share your story, then how are others going to feel better about their similar situations. As many as you know, I started on my adventure as an Origami Owl Independent Designer in October. The mission of Origami Owl is to be a force for good and their lockets help you share your story with others. I have a sense of freedom now that I go out and tell my why and my story with others. I have found others that have been in car accidents that changed who they were, are showing debt the door, and are making a difference while sharing with others these similar circumstances.
What I thought would just be an extra source of income while getting me out of the house has been a huge blessing. In January I went to SOAR (regional) Conference in Nashville and in July I will be hitting the dry heat of Phoenix to go to the national conference. If you want to be a part of a company that cares about your goals and well-being beyond your sales goals then Origami Owl is it! I felt so much love and compassion in Nashville. I can't wait to see where this company takes me next. If my facebook page reaches100 likes by midnight, Monday, February 18th, I am giving away a free locket. My facebook page is www.facebook.com/acoltranelockets if you are interested. It does not include charms, plates, chains or dangles.
I hope everyone had a good week. Valentine's was good. Chess came over and I fed him a crockpot meal and green beans with ice cream cake as dessert. Luckily it was simple since I was at home all day laying on the couch with a horrible migraine. He made it so much better by not caring if we leave the house or not and the cutest Girl Scout Thin Mint bear from Build-a-Bear named Amanda. Friday was even better hanging out with the girls over yummy food and these S'mores Bars I made from pinterest. We had a lot of fun catching up and watching movies. Have you guessed that Pinterest is one of my happy places?
I won't bore you any longer. I hope your week is a blessing!
~Manda
What I thought would just be an extra source of income while getting me out of the house has been a huge blessing. In January I went to SOAR (regional) Conference in Nashville and in July I will be hitting the dry heat of Phoenix to go to the national conference. If you want to be a part of a company that cares about your goals and well-being beyond your sales goals then Origami Owl is it! I felt so much love and compassion in Nashville. I can't wait to see where this company takes me next. If my facebook page reaches100 likes by midnight, Monday, February 18th, I am giving away a free locket. My facebook page is www.facebook.com/acoltranelockets if you are interested. It does not include charms, plates, chains or dangles.
I hope everyone had a good week. Valentine's was good. Chess came over and I fed him a crockpot meal and green beans with ice cream cake as dessert. Luckily it was simple since I was at home all day laying on the couch with a horrible migraine. He made it so much better by not caring if we leave the house or not and the cutest Girl Scout Thin Mint bear from Build-a-Bear named Amanda. Friday was even better hanging out with the girls over yummy food and these S'mores Bars I made from pinterest. We had a lot of fun catching up and watching movies. Have you guessed that Pinterest is one of my happy places?
I won't bore you any longer. I hope your week is a blessing!
~Manda
Sunday, December 9, 2012
What about the Animals?
Have you ever looked at a manger scene and noticed how sometimes the animals are tucked away in the back? or maybe not even facing the newborn King? I don't understand why. They were just as important to Baby Jesus as the shepherds and wise men. I honestly believe that they rejoiced with the angels when He was born.
What about the fact that they remind us that Jesus was born in a lowly manger when He could have been born in a palace? Jesus meets us where we are at. He doesn't dangle a Krispy Kreme doughnut in our faces to follow him to his palace before revealing the good news. We receive blessings and comfort in places we might not think he may be. I'm sure that cattle stall stunk like our sins do, but God chose that path to reveal what He is willing to do to gain our trust in Him.
Those farm animals knew who was taking up residence in their space. I'm sure they comforted Mary while she gave birth in a place that wasn't exactly sanitary. My understanding is it wasn't very cold in Bethlehem, but those animals would have provided warmth if they had to. They probably snuck in a lick to show compassion.
What about the donkey that got them there? Mary couldn't have walked that distance. He was a part of the special delivery. Carrying Mary and The King of Kings with gentleness was his purpose and he deserves a view of that sweet baby. A donkey brought Him to His birthplace and carried Him in His last days before dying on the cross for our sins.
What about your animals? If they were in Bethlehem around that manger what do you think they would be doing?
Merry Christmas,
Manda
What about the fact that they remind us that Jesus was born in a lowly manger when He could have been born in a palace? Jesus meets us where we are at. He doesn't dangle a Krispy Kreme doughnut in our faces to follow him to his palace before revealing the good news. We receive blessings and comfort in places we might not think he may be. I'm sure that cattle stall stunk like our sins do, but God chose that path to reveal what He is willing to do to gain our trust in Him.
Those farm animals knew who was taking up residence in their space. I'm sure they comforted Mary while she gave birth in a place that wasn't exactly sanitary. My understanding is it wasn't very cold in Bethlehem, but those animals would have provided warmth if they had to. They probably snuck in a lick to show compassion.
What about the donkey that got them there? Mary couldn't have walked that distance. He was a part of the special delivery. Carrying Mary and The King of Kings with gentleness was his purpose and he deserves a view of that sweet baby. A donkey brought Him to His birthplace and carried Him in His last days before dying on the cross for our sins.
What about your animals? If they were in Bethlehem around that manger what do you think they would be doing?
Merry Christmas,
Manda
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Coming out of the funk
I've had to take some time to myself here recently. Nothing against anyone just had too much going on and flowing through my brain. I would seriously go to work and come home and that would be about it. I kinda went back into my shell. Some days I didn't want to deal with people, others I didn't want to be in other people's way, and often times I didn't want to drive.
Not want to drive? You may ask. I have seen so many people being distracted while driving down the road and 99% of the circumstances they can control. More than twice, vehicles crossed over the yellow line into my lane for long enough for me to notice and freak out. I'm tired of feeling like I need to wear an armor just to drive my car. A car that I just bought because someone crossed that yellow line and hit me head on. I just found out a couple months ago that the man who hit me was drunk, almost 3 times the legal limit drunk. I triple dog dare someone to mess up what is left of my confidence on the road, sanity and car. The first two are very lacking right now and I don't know how to put into words how I feel. I just want to crawl in my own little world and forget but I can't.
Thank you to everyone who has helped me in some way the past few weeks. It has helped me restore. I appreciate any prayers and love you send my direction. It has proven to be an emotional road.
Manda
Not want to drive? You may ask. I have seen so many people being distracted while driving down the road and 99% of the circumstances they can control. More than twice, vehicles crossed over the yellow line into my lane for long enough for me to notice and freak out. I'm tired of feeling like I need to wear an armor just to drive my car. A car that I just bought because someone crossed that yellow line and hit me head on. I just found out a couple months ago that the man who hit me was drunk, almost 3 times the legal limit drunk. I triple dog dare someone to mess up what is left of my confidence on the road, sanity and car. The first two are very lacking right now and I don't know how to put into words how I feel. I just want to crawl in my own little world and forget but I can't.
Thank you to everyone who has helped me in some way the past few weeks. It has helped me restore. I appreciate any prayers and love you send my direction. It has proven to be an emotional road.
Manda
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)